i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
