I showed him my bush... on skype.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
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