We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
