I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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