Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
