I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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