Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Too much gin, very little bucket
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
