sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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