some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
