This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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