I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
