he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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