my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Who died my cat blue again?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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