Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
