I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize