I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
