weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
