he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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