Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
