Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
