remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
