well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
