Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
True but thats because hes a fetus.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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