I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
