Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize