I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
