Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
