i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
