does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
home. puking in laundry basket.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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