I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
