I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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