Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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