3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
