I seem to have left my pride at pride
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Randomize
