I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
