Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
My pussy is not your playground.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize