omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
