i think my tv is drunk
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
