You work out of a Hotel?
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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