i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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