OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Randomize
