my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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