just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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