so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
