I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
