During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
