Can Purell be used as lube?
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
