connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
