Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
