I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
