bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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