just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
