I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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