i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
