Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
