If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Randomize
