Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Life without a bra equals bliss.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
