they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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