Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
