She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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