His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
