All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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