he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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