I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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