Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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