Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
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if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
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I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
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