remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I supernannyed him into submission
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
