Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
