the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
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he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
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i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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