i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
