never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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