How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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