She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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