She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
