My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
