Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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