I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
