The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
