Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
