He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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