some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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